Dog Runs

For the majority of this week I have been treated to a semi-large pool of “the runs” (yeah, dog poop) at the bottom my apartment building’s steps. The first time was no big deal, sh*t happens (really, Frank!!?). This crap has been happening all week, though. I launch off the last step like Bill Murray in Groundhog’s Day wondering if I’ll get a foot full of the mustard colored runs. I’m pretty sure these dog runs are created by the dog across the hall which belongs to a couple spinsters. They treat the dog like a child. I’m absolutely positive they’re feeding the dog all sorts of human treats that are screwing up the poor thing’s digestion. Then I thought about it. There’s an advantage to having a dog with the runs. You don’t have to pick up the damn crap! Have you ever seen a person try to pick the runs up off of a sidewalk? They just smear it around the sidewalk or 99.9% of the time don’t do anything at all. In conclusion, spinsters feed their dogs tasty yet destructive human food causing them to get the runs so they’re exempt from picking up liquid poo. You see? Agree or disagree, I don’t care. Man, I’m bored.